Friggin Octospy
by senor failboat
Summary: Scout is a new member of BLU. Spy tells him a horror story, but he doesn't really believes it until he finds something very strange in the sewers.
1. dude what

Title: **Friggin Octospy**  
Category: Games » Team Fortress 2  
Language: English, Rating: Fiction Rated: T  
Genre: Humor, General  
Disclaimer: Team Fortess 2 belongs to the utterly fabulous Valve, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

N: I... Just... Yeah. I thought of this because of a picture posted in a thread on Adult Fanart. Someone said "octospy" instead of "tentaspy," and it was eventually followed by a picture of an octopus with an MS Paint'd balaclava and cigarette. I lol'd really hard.

* * *

When Scout first arrives at the BLU base, he doesn't exactly get a great welcome — the team barely acknowledges him even though he's the first Scout they've ever had, and only a few hours after he's there, the REDs come out of nowhere, guns blazing. Scout gets backstabbed twice before he sets into the groove of things, but once he does, he's running just as fast as the day he made it as captain of the track team. BLU Pyro finds Scout just outside the RED base, and together they make it to the Intelligence Room, leaving a mess of bonked and charred enemies behind them.

BLU Spy is already there, along with a freshly killed RED Engineer, and he thrusts the briefcase at Scout. Scout turns back immediately and runs back to the base; he learned a long time ago that gloating when no one's around but your own team is not only fucking ridiculous, but a waste of precious time. He runs back to the BLU base faster than Pyro, with his stubby legs, can keep up, and nearly gets shot in the arm for his trouble, but BLU Sniper's got his back from wherever the Hell he's hiding.

BLU wins that night, and Scout's new team warms up to him considerably. So much so, in fact, that after the boring debriefing (which Scout power-napped through half of), everyone sticks around to talk to him. Pyro's sitting on Scout's right, nudging his arm every now and then. It can be hard to tell what the guy is saying, but he seems nice enough; besides, Scout's sure he saw Pyro air-guitaring with his ax after he killed a RED Soldier, and that's just badass.

Scout's just getting ready to suave his way out of a conversation with Engineer about school (because he's pretty sure that a guy with eleven PhDs isn't exactly going to feel sympathetic toward some kid who dropped out of high school, even if Scout had a damn good reason) when Spy interrupts, eyebrow quirked and a sort of greasy smirk on his face. Engineer frowns, and Pyro leans toward Scout to mumble something while gesturing between the two of them. Goddamn if Scout knows what Pyro said, but he can tell by himself that Spy and Engineer don't like each other.

When Spy leans forward, everyone gets a little quieter, save for Demoman who's snoring in the corner. "So, _Scout_," Spy says, and holy crap his accent is funny, "you would like to know more about ze REDs, non?"

"The Hell is there to know?" Scout asks. "You bonk 'em in the head, maybe shoot 'em or some crap, blood comes out and you're done."

A chuckle goes around the room, and Pyro's laugh looks like it's freaking Spy out, which is pretty fucking great in Scout's opinion; Spy creeps _him_ the fuck out, so it's only fair that somebody should give the spook the willies.

"Ah, yes, indeed," Spy says, that smirk coming back to his face once the laughter dies down, "but zat eez not all zat zere eez to know. For eggzample... you 'ave not 'eard about zee monster in ze sewers, 'ave you?"

Scout laughs, but after a second he realizes he's the only one. He looks around; even Engineer's face is straight. "Aw, come on," Scout groans, "are you people being serious right here?"

"Completely," Spy says, puffing on his cigarette. "Zere eez a monster in ze sewers, and to make zings worse, eet eez an ally of ze REDs."

Scout glares at Spy, crossing his arms and leaning back. He hasn't believed shitty stories like this since he was six; there's something to be said about growing up with so many older brothers and a, um, "free-spirited" type of mom.

"I can tell zat you do not believe me," Spy says, looking amused, "but I assure you, zere is somezing awful down zere. Our Sniper has seen eet — 'aven't you, Monsieur?"

"Sure Oi 'ave," the Sniper says. It's the first thing Scout's heard him say, and holy shit, this guy's accent is just as ridiculous as Spy's, what the fuck. "Bloody wankah was creepin' owt o' the sewers one noight. Got these blood red tentacles, even. Shot one of 'em; bastard crawled roight back in."

Scout rolls his eyes. "Whatever, like I'm supposed to believe this crap."

"Ah, but eet eez true. Beneath us at zis very moment is an 'orrible creature, wiz dozens of appendages... Zey reach out of ze darkness, grasping for somezing to 'old, to break wiz zeir awesome strength. Eet eez a tormented being, a lab experiment gone terribly wrong, but not somezing to give 'ugs and understanding, as I am sure someone of your jeneration might desire."

Scout glowers. Just because some other people believe in all that flower shit, doesn't mean he wants to go around hugging and kissing people like some sort of idiot.

"Razzer," Spy continues, "eet eez somezing to be pitied from afar, and to be killed at ze first chance one 'as — before, mon ami, eet can kill you."

"Yeah, okay, that sounds like a whopping load of bullshit."

"Oh, I am sure you will regret zis disbelief soon enough," Spy says, finishing his cigarette as he straightens up to leave. "For now, zough, bonne nuit." He disappears with the shimmer of his cloaking device, and Scout scratches his jaw.

"Fucking creeper." He stands and stretches his arms over his head, yawning. "G'night, losers, and thanks for the ghost story. It was _so_ scary."

A couple of weeks pass by with the same old thing happening: Wake up, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, kill REDs, talk, go to bed. Scout becomes better friends with Pyro, and they make a damn good team, bonking and flaming like there's no tomorrow. He also never sees a trace of any "'orrible cree-chairs," which just seems to prove that Spy is full of shit and that everyone else was trying to scare him.

That is, until one day, when it's raining hard and the BLUs are planning a surprise attack. They've been getting their asses kicked lately, and they've got to show those REDs who's boss before shit gets out of control.

Scout doesn't like the plan too much, for two reasons: It calls for him trying to be stealthy, which he knows he fucking can't — doesn't have the patience. It also pulls him and Pyro apart, and Scout ain't no queer, but Pyro is his best friend. They always stick together on the field. It'll be weird.

Medic wants everyone to go with it, though, and Scout's not going to object. Medic's a good guy, and anyway, Scout's seen him tear a motherfucker apart with that crazy saw thing. Plus, his German accent is really intimidating... so Pyro and Scout bump fists before the fighting starts.

"Don't get killed, you mumbly douchebag," Scout says more gruffly than he really needs to.

Pyro gets it, and mumbles something back to Scout that he takes to mean, "Yeah, I could say the same thing." Scout's last thought before the battle begins is that he's getting a lot better at translating those mumbles.

The Announcer yells at them to go, Go, GO! Scout runs out on the path that was outlined for him, grimacing when he sees mud up ahead. "Goddamnit, this better not screw up my shoes," he complains as his foot squelches into the wet dirt. Most people have a lot of trouble running through the mud, but Scout just reminds himself of all the five a.m. drills he did for track, and this suddenly seems like nothing.

Scout gets a little too confident, though, and he has to fling himself sideways to avoid some sticky bombs; they were too covered in mud for him to see. He curses to himself when he hears footsteps rounding the corner. He can tell from the rhythm that it's probably the RED Soldier, and Scout knows from his own team's batshit crazy Soldier that this guy will have no problem beating the crap out of him in the mud with a shovel.

So Scout decides on self-preservation, and hides himself in the sewers. When he concentrates hard enough, the sound of the rain sort of fades into the background, and all he can hear is himself breathing and the enemy Soldier's footsteps. Scout has to tell himself not to leap out and bonk the fucker in the head when the RED Soldier comes into view, but it's hard to reign himself in when all that adrenaline's rushing through him.

The Soldier looks around like a rabid dog then charges away in some direction, and Scout's just about to run back out when he feels something on his neck.

It's thin.

It's... slippery.

It's got these weird ass pad things on it.

Scout may not have graduated from high school, but even he can figure out that there's a goddamn tentacle on his neck.

Pyro feels relieved when the battle is over. Rain makes him uncomfortable, and being apart from Scout worried him. He's grown really close to the kid since he arrived, and he knows that on the route Scout took, the only person who could really watch his back would be Sniper, whose attention got monopolized by the RED Heavy and Medic tonight.

Pyro starts to worry again, however, when he notices that Scout is nowhere to be found. Usually, he's already asking Engineer about where he put his sentries and dispensers, or reminding Spy that he's a creepy bastard, or telling anyone who will listen about how well he did in the battle. He knows that the Respawn would take care of Scout if he died — it's never failed them yet — but...

Pyro pulls Demo aside. The Scottish explosives expert is the only one who understands Pyro's muffled speech, though Scout seems to be learning a bit. "Have you seen the kid?" Pyro asks.

"No, I dinnae see 'im at all since the battle started," Demo says, shaking his head. He pats Pyro on the shoulder. "Don' worry aboot it, 'e's probably fine." Demo walks off, presumably to go find himself some alcohol; he's always thirsty after a fight.

Pyro wrings his hands together, the squeak of his rubber gloves only increasing his anxiety, and he's about to go back outside when he hears Scout shouting from somewhere behind him. Pyro relaxes, and turns around to greet his friend and see what the commotion's about this time.

"'Ey, ya fuckin' Spook!" Scout yells again, his heavy Bostonian accent reminding Pyro of his old boss. "This the monstah you were talkin' about?" He's holding up a tiny red... thing; Pyro can't see it clearly from here, not with his mask on, at least.

He walks closer, and Scout meets him halfway, smirking. "Yo, Mumbles, check it out," he says excitedly, "it's the frickin' Creature o' the Deep ovah here!" He lifts the thing closer to Pyro's eyes, and Pyro laughs. Hard.

"That's the "monster beneath the bases"? Oh my God, this is priceless," Pyro says, clutching his sides. He thinks his laughter made what he said more difficult for Scout to understand, but the kid gets the gist of it, cracking up with Pyro even as he holds the thing gently in his arms.

It's about the size of Pyro's head, and it's pale red. It's also wearing a red Spy mask, under which it's glaring at nothing in particular. Pyro notices a soggy cigarette tucked over Scout's ear, and assumes the creature was holding it between what appears to be a very misplaced mouth.

Spy remains where he is, puffing away at a cigarette and staring at the abomination. Finally, he walks forward and leans down a bit to look it in the eye. A wet tentacle slaps his cheek lightly, and he frowns. "Zis is not what I was led to believe."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Scout says. "Thing ain't even scary, man."

"It's kind of cute," Pyro says, and Scout glances at him sideways. Pyro shrugs, because it is cute, in a weird, slightly disturbing fashion.

"Put zis zing back wherever you found eet," Spy says, looking away when the thing sends him a scandalized glance.

"Naw, I think I wanna keep it," Scout says, patting the large, round head of the creature. "Whaddaya think we should call it, man?" he asks Pyro, ignoring Spy's disgusted expression.

Pyro rubs the chin of his mask for a moment. "Hmm... Octospy?"

Scout grins toothily. "Aw yeah, that's perfect." He starts walking down the hallway, brushing past Sniper, who looks extremely disconcerted. "C'mon, Pyro man, let's go feed this thing."

Pyro follows Scout, an unseen grin on his face.

Later that night, when the moon is at its highest and the bases are restful, Tentaspy smirks from his lair in the depths of the sewers, his blue outfit blending well with the shadows in the tunnels.

"Just as planned."

* * *

N: Honestly, Tentaspy's little keikaku doori shit was where I'd originally intended to cut this story off, but then Anon asked for more... so I pulled the rest outta my ass. And I need to update past part 4 soon because I've just let this one sit for way, way too long.

Kind of like everything else I do.


	2. what is this

The song here is "La Vie en Rose" by Edith Piaf.

* * *

Scout cracks his neck as he leaves to go snag an extra towel from the bathroom, on Pyro's orders. When he leaves, he can hear Pyro's muffled cooing, which would normally drive Scout to call someone girly and lame, but this is the same guy Scout's seen laughing as he sets people on fire, so he bites his tongue.

When Scout returns, there's a strange sound coming from the kitchen, but he can't quite put his finger on what it is until he enters the kitchen. Pyro is swaying slightly, his hand resting on the Octospy's freaky, giant head as the thing fucking sings. It's some fruity little French song that Scout remembers his mom liking.

"...Quand il me prend dans ses bras,  
Qu'il me parle tout bas,  
Je vois la vie en rose..."

Scout's not sure how to feel. For one thing, he didn't think the creature had a voice at all. For another, now that he's hearing it, it's nothing like a normal spy's voice. BLU Spy has a deepish sort of smoky voice (not that Scout's ever noticed — he ain't no fag), and RED Spy's voice is similar, though there's a slight difference in their accents (which Scout definitely only knows because RED Spy always gets behind him and whispers shit before stabbing him, and because BLU Spy talks all the fucking time). Octospy, though, has a higher voice, and it sounds... sort of wet.

Scout's not really sure how a voice can sound wet.

"...Il me dit des mots d'amour,  
Des mots de tous les jours,  
Et ça m' fait quelque chose..."

Pyro seems really happy to be hearing the thing's high-pitched, wet-sounding voice. Watching him bounce a little makes Scout smirk.

"...Il est entré dans mon coeur,  
Une part de bonheur  
Dont je connais la cause..."

The Octospy has just begun to sway its tentacles in time with Pyro's movement when BLU Spy stalks into the kitchen. Octospy shuts up at once, and glares at Spy like the guy just turned his family into sushi. Spy looks at the thing like it's some horrible mistake of nature, and, well, it kind of is, but Pyro and Scout take offense anyway.

"Hey, fag, don't look at Octospy that way," Scout says, frowning.

"I 'ate zat song," Spy says grouchily. "And eet 'as a stupid voice."

"I bet you're just jealous of him," Scout tosses back, "since you sound like a constipated pigeon on a power line when you sing."

"Ta toi," Spy mutters, "you disgusting boy. Don't force whatever disturbing images your mind creates onto my own." He flounces past Pyro to the fridge and opens the cabinet more moodily than Scout's first girlfriend ever did anything, even when she was on the rag. He inspects the bottle carefully — probably wary of Sniper's piss, as usual — before he pours himself a glass of milk.

"'Ave fun bazing zat ridiculous monster," Spy mutters as he leaves, holding his glass close to his chest. Scout sticks his tongue out at Spy's back.

"Fricking douchebag. C'mon, Pyro, let's just keep washing Octospy," Scout says, offering a smile to his friend, who looks a little upset and a lot like he's going to punch Spy in the face tomorrow.

They look back to the sink, and see Octospy curled in on himself, all scrunched up into the corner.

"Aww," Pyro mumbles, moving closer to the sink, "mmf mmfed." He holds a hand out over the water, and murmurs again when Octospy hesitantly reaches a tentacle out of the water. Scout shifts his weight uncomfortably, and doesn't realize he was holding his breath until Octospy pops his head out again, mask a darker shade of red now that it's soaked with water.

"You know, I think you were right," Scout mentions as Pyro pats Octospy's head fondly.

"Mmfmb mmf?" Pyro asks while Octospy wraps a tentacle around his wrist.

"Thing being cute and shit," Scout says gruffly. Octospy waves a tentacle at him, and he can't help but reach out and let the thing grab him. "In a really weird, not cute way, I mean."

Pyro laughs at him, and Octospy wraps his tentacle completely around Scout's pinky finger.

"...C'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vie;  
Il me l'a dit, l'a juré pour la vie;  
Et dès que je l'aperçois,  
Alors je sens en moi  
Mon coeur qui bat..."

----

The next morning, Scout gets up bright and early, as always. It's basically been ingrained into him ever since he joined the track team; he was up by four-thirty a.m. every day for Hell Week. The first year he suffered through it, he threw up when he got home. Twice. On each day.

Sometimes it's hard for Scout to remember why he joined track, but when he's out running, like he is now, it all comes back. Jogging around the BLU Base is around eighty times less stressful than running through Boston in June for practice.

There's also the fact that he got kicked off of the baseball team, but Scout kind of blocks that memory out.

Anyway, after he's gone through his morning ritual (get up, yelp quietly when he sees a spider in the corner, destroy the spider with his bat, run around the base to get rid of the willies, take a shower, check his room for more spiders while he's getting dressed, eat crappy breakfast), he goes to Pyro's door and knocks loudly, not caring that most of his teammates aren't up by seven in the morning.

"Yo, Pyro, come out and—"

The door swings open and Scout nearly tumbles forward, but Pyro helps him catch his balance. "Hey, man, what the fuck—"

Pyro hushes him and holds up a gloved finger to his mask. Scout can't see his friend's face, and isn't sure he ever will, but he's standing exactly like Scout's mom used to stand when she woke up at midnight to tell him and his brothers to shut the hell up.

"Why?"

Pyro jerks a thumb over his shoulder, and Scout leans to the side to look past him. Octospy is packed into a jar that looks way too small for his body, resting on Pyro's desk. Apparently, he's sleeping.

"Oh. Oops. You wanna go break some of RED's windows?"

Pyro shakes his head, and mumbles something about eating breakfast first. Scout slouches in disappointment.

"Well, shit. Fine. I'll be outside I guess." He goes down the hall before Pyro can react, and turns the corner, ignoring Pyro's muffled response. Scout waits until he hears the door close, then gnaws on the inside of his cheek for a minute before walking out to the gloomy fog.

Scout's never really sure what to do when he's alone. He had eight brothers — Irish family and whatever — and even though they weren't all together all the time, he just isn't used to not having someone by his side yet. He decides to explore, even though he knows the base pretty well now, especially the outside.

Problem is, even though he knows basically what he wants to do, Scout still doesn't actually know where he wants to go... or what to do when he gets there. "Fuck," he says shortly, glaring at the ground.

Scout kicks the dirt a couple of times before shoving his hands in his pockets and just walking wherever his feet take him. He wanders past some strange weeds that he never looked at too hard and that make his nose feel stuffy, then continues on to the place where the RED Soldier almost got him the other day. There's a worm in the mud, just laying there, and Scout crouches down to stare at it, his arms resting atop his knees.

The worm wriggles for a while.

Then it stops.

It starts to rain.

"God fucking dammit," Scout bursts out, rising swiftly. He swipes his hat off and runs a hand through his strawberry blond hair, groaning. "There's nothing to _do_."

He grinds his front teeth together for a little while, and thinks about how uneven they all are. He licks his teeth, furrowing his brow when he thinks about how they're too big, and make him look like a fucking horse. He even has an overbite that his mom used to mention while she pinched his cheeks.

Scout shakes his head, shoving his hat back on. "Gotta stop thinking about Mom so much," he sighs, scratching his shoulder. It's then that he looks at the sewer he found Octospy in, and decides to go search through the thing. "I mean, if something like Octospy was in there, there's probably some more stuff, right?"

Scout looks at the worm. It wriggles.

"Right." He jogs back to BLU Base through the cold downpour to go get a flashlight.


	3. i don't even—

When Scout leaves BLU Base, he passes by Engineer and Soldier eating breakfast. Or, rather, he passes by Engineer eating breakfast while Soldier mashes all his oats and shit together and shovels it into his mouth. Engineer looks a little annoyed, but Scout doesn't think too hard about it when he just claps Soldier on the shoulder and smiles instead of mentioning anything.

"Fags," he mutters as he steps out into the rain. It's pouring harder than before, enough that he can barely see where he's walking, and when he finally gets himself to the point near the sewer where he was kneeling before, he suddenly feels really nervous about stepping on the worm. (It's not like he cares about the worm or anything, it's just, the mud's really fucking up his shoes, and he doesn't want worm gunk all over them too.) Scout walks slowly toward the sewer opening, his eyes darting to the ground every now and then, until he finally gets to the mouth of the tunnels.

The raindrops beating the ground echo throughout the sewer, drumming like a dozen baseballs bouncing against a wall. Scout rubs his arms until the hair stops standing up, and flicks on the flashlight, gritting his teeth so they won't chatter as pathetically as they are now. He should've brought a better sweater than the one he's got on, he thinks; as great as the Yankees may be, this flimsy cloth just isn't cutting it.

He huffs out a breath of air and watches the fog from his breath disappear. "Whatever," he grumbles, clutching an arm to himself in an extremely manly fashion and setting forward. If the beam of the flashlight is shaking, it's because he's walking on unsteady ground, and not because he's too cold or, God forbid, scared. The pipe's just got really shitty traction and stuff, especially when it's all wet like this.

Yeah.

Scout soon reaches a fork in the tunnel and weighs his decisions. The one on the left looks cleaner, but he can't even hear the rain coming from it — just the angry sucking sound of a tunnel. The one on the right looks kind of messed up, but he can just barely make out another turn at the end of it, and he can hear water coming from it, too...

Scout chooses the right path because he's right handed.

"Fuck, I'm so good at decision making," Scout says proudly to himself as he traipses down the right tunnel. He ignores the messy ground, because, man, what if it's shit or something, that would be gross to look at. After a short time of walking, Scout gets to the end, and his only choices are to turn left and go closer to the sound of rushing water, or to turn back and just figure that the sewers are retarded.

Scout keeps going. He has nothing else to do — especially not hang out with Pyro and that stupid, freaky Octospy. They're just going to sleep and sing fruity songs and whatever anyway.

"Stupid fucking monster, stealing my friend... I don't care how cute it is..." Scout mutters, kicking the short layer of water on the floor of the sewer. He huddles closer into himself, the flashlight beam dangling lower than it really should, and loses himself in his thoughts as he walks. "Goddamn it, maybe that frog was right about just putting it back in here..."

Scout is not **jealous**.

He's just... _jealous_.

Scout is still trying to figure out what the Hell he means when he hears a song floating down through the tunnel, just barely audible over the staccato of the raindrops above and the curious rush of water from ahead. It sounds like the fucking frog.

"That'd be perfect," Scout mumbles sarcastically, his cold lips making him stumble a little over the words, "being cramped up in this place with that bitch."

He slows his pace, though, when he realizes that it's the second song he's recognized in as many days. His mom got him and his brothers to watch this movie a couple of years back... what was it called?

"The Sound of Music," Scout says. It sounds like a sigh, but only girls and fags sigh, and Scout is not a faggot-girl. He doesn't really notice how the familiar lyrics warm him up inside, or how his pace quickens just a little.

"...Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels  
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel wiz noodles  
Wild geese zat fly wiz ze moon on zeir wings  
Zese are a few of my favorite zings..."

Scout turns the corner, and his low-hanging flashlight catches a spot of blue. It looks like a grossly oversized version of one of Octospy's tentacles, and as he moves the beam up, he nearly drops the whole damn flashlight.

If Octospy was a creepy abomination, then what Scout's seeing now is... It's... Scout thinks he's never wished so hard he hadn't dropped out of high school, because if he'd stuck with it, he might've had a word to describe what he's seeing.

From the waist up, it's a BLU Spy, just like the douchebag Scout knows and lives with every day. From the waist down, it's the sort of thing Scout thought he could only ever dream of after toking up with the boys and maybe eating a couple of pizzas.

The Tentacled Spy fixes Scout with the predatory gaze that he knows so well after having been killed so many times by RED Spy, and he gulps when the thing keeps singing, its too sharp teeth gleaming horribly in the light of his flashlight. Scout could probably stand it if the thing wasn't changing the lyrics as it writhes toward him on its huge, blue tentacles.

"...Scouts in white knee socks with cheap cotton shirts  
Entrails zat stay on my nose and eyelashes  
Silver white balisongs zat melt into skins  
Zese are a few of my favorite zings..."

Scout's entire body seems like it's decided to revolt against him, for whatever fucking reason, and he can't even move his jaw to curse when one of the tentacles starts to slide up his leg.

"...When ze dog bites  
When ze bee stings  
When I'm feeling—" Tentaspy smirks, and drapes two of his tentacles onto Scout's shoulders "—sad  
I simply remember my favorite zings  
And zen I don't feel so bad..."

The clatter and splash of the flashlight falling to the ground seems muffled in Scout's ears, and he can't think. Tentaspy caresses his cheek with a tentacle that could be slick for a million reasons that Scout wouldn't want to imagine even if he could, but his suckers pull at Scout's skin, stinging faintly when they come away.

"...Blood drips from eyes and unraveled tendons, bright copper rivers and suspended victims. Brown paper packages of intestines — zese are a few of my favorite zings."

Scout's too stuck in his own horror to notice that Tentaspy's stopped singing, and is simply stroking him with his tentacles, not even bothering to rhyme anymore. Their wetness chills Scout to the very bone.

"Cream colored flesh and crisp, crunchy bones. Soldiers and Laborers and Medics wiz noodles. Sniper's zat fly like ze devil's on zeir tails... zese are a few of my favorite zings." Tentaspy leans forward, his tentacles gripping Scout hard as he pulls him close, clear up off the floor. Scout's body screams in pain, but all he can manage is a choked whimper in the back of his throat.

"A Scout in white knee socks wiz a blue cotton shirt..." Tentaspy knocks Scout's hat off, and brushes one of his hands (Scout didn't pay much attention to them before; they seemed so normal, holding a cigarette, compared to the lab experiment gone horribly wrong that was the rest of Tentaspy) through Scout's blond hair. "Calm down, mon petit, before you wet your pants," Tentaspy snarks, blowing smoke into Scout's face. His eyes sting and he coughs, accidentally pinching his skin against Tentaspy's suckers when he tries to move his arm to cover his mouth.

Tentaspy drops Scout on the floor, and tucks the flashlight into the hem of Scout's pants with one of his tentacles, taking another drag on his cigarette. "Go back to ze base," he orders, his cold tone in sharp contrast to the eerie passion he had when he was singing. When Scout doesn't move, he fucking hisses, and it jolts Scout back into action, scrambling to pick up his hat and jam it on his head. He fumbles around for a full minute beneath Tentaspy's stare before he realizes the flashlight is already tucked in his pants.

"Are you a man or not? Ne pleure pas," Tentaspy says, flicking his cigarette into the shallow water of the sewer. The sound of it sizzling out sears itself into Scout's memory, and he turns around, skidding on the wet floor as he runs at full tilt. "Oh, and I nearly forgot," Tentaspy's voice echoes throughout the sewers, "zank you for taking zat idiotic _blob_ to ze base, petit! Just make sure you kill it before zings get out of 'and!"

Scout tries his best to ignore Tentaspy's echoing laughter, and dives out of the sewer like he's reaching for home plate. He slides through the mud, probably ruining his clothes for fucking ever, but Scout can't bring himself to worry about cleanliness as he's sprinting back into the base. He runs past a scandalized looking Medic and doesn't stop until he's literally slamming against the wall of the one of the shower stalls.

When he turns on the water and watches mud spiral down the drain, all Scout can think of is that it's all going down to that monster, swirling and mixing with the water where he lives.

----

It takes Medic five attempts to inform Scout that he's still wearing all of his clothes in the shower, and no matter what he does, he can't get the boy to say what happened. A few hours later, Scout comes to the sick bay and gasps out something about evil tentacle people in the sewer before he retches into a trash can.

"Is this about the 'Octospy'?" Medic asks, arms folded as he watches Scout. Though he can certainly be a handful, the boy's not too terribly bad, and Medic can't help but feel some sympathy for Scout as he curls in on himself, groaning quietly.

"No," Scout mutters, and Medic still has to fight not to cringe when he hears that accent, "just... I prob'ly got da flu or somethin'."

Medic isn't convinced, but he decides to take Scout's word for it, for now. He and Pyro seem happy, and, after all, the animal does have an appreciation for good music that could positively effect the team. Still, though he'll never admit it to anyone but Heavy (and even then, only under the blanket of darkness when they're curled around each other), Medic sees himself as something of a caretaker for BLU. At the first sign of any trouble from this 'Octospy,' he decides, he'll get his Bonesaw and take care of it.

Well, then again, he may want to keep it for science... but that's something he can ponder later. For now, Medic will simply shoo Spy, who's looking smugger than the recipient of ten consecutive blowjobs (as usual), out of the sick bay, and then go to his Heavy and sleep.

He pats Scout on the head when they get to the boy's door, and continues down the hallway to Heavy's room, pleased when he hears none of the typical slurs and half-formed thoughts Scout likes to shout so often.

----

In his jar, Octospy curls his visible mouth up into a smile: The only function that it has every been able to really serve, other than to smoke through. His true mouth, though — the beak on his underside — clicks open and shut quietly, impatiently.

He hates the waiting game.


End file.
